The Day My Life Changed

First impressions

When you think of labor and delivery what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Babies, birthdays, happiness, celebration. What if I told you the words labor and delivery can mean heartbreak, sadness, grief and loss. What if I told you that 1 in 4 couples experience a miscarriage and 1 in 100 pregnancies end in stillbirth. Would you believe me? Five years ago I wouldn’t have believed myself either.

It was something that had never popped into my head while I was younger or while even in nursing school. I guess I should back track a little bit here. I’ve been a labor and delivery nurse for 5 years. It was my first job right out of college, and I was this bright eyed twenty-two-year-old who wanted to help families welcome the miracle of life. Trust me, I get to do that basically every day I come into work, and it is truly amazing. There is nothing like seeing a mom hold her baby for the first time and see a dad talk to this tiny human who has completely just melted his heart. But there is sadness in seeing parents do that for the first time knowing that they have to say goodbye to their baby. A baby that they have spent their entire pregnancy learning to love and realizing they never get to see them grow into the person they had dreamed they would be.

Three years ago, in August

I went into work just like any other day. Sat in the report room awaiting my assignment for the day. Little did I know that this day would change the rest of my life. The words came out of my charge nurses mouth “Nichole you will be taking care of the patient in 876, she came in last night for decreased fetal movement and when they put her on the monitor there were no heart tones”. My eyes immediately welled up with tears and my stomach felt heavy, but this was my job and I needed to put my feelings and emotions aside to take care of my patient.

I was scared, I had never taken care of a mom who had been full term and had lost her baby. I thought to myself – what if I don’t say the right thing? What if she wants nothing to do with me? What if I can’t comfort her and her family? Once again, I snapped out of it, this wasn’t about me but about her.

After meeting her my fears melted away, she was just like anyone else. She wanted to be treated as any other mom and wanted to share the story of her beautiful son to anyone that would ask. She had her entire family with her from her siblings to her parents and her in-laws. We got to know each other and made relationships with each of her family members. You would never know that we had only known each other for less than 12 hours. Despite going through one of the worst days of their life they were gracious and wanted to celebrate the life that their sweet son – Sawyer – did have. They were able to find celebration in what was ultimately the worst day of their lives.

Breaking the stigma

I share this story because I want to shed light on stillbirth and miscarriage. I want people to start talking about it, let’s reduce the stigma. You may not even realize it right now but you may know someone that has experienced loss. This experience can be isolating and terrifying for not only the parents involved but for the family and friends that support them. Ask them about their pregnancy, their birth story, say their babies name and help them keep that memory alive. I promise that you will make an impact. You may feel how I did and be scared but know that they are even more scared and you can truly make a difference.